That first week there was a lot of fear and anxiety as my
body and my mind were trying to adjust to “bazaar-land”! You know I’ve never had anything serious go
wrong with my body or my mind for that matter.
I’ve always dreaded getting the flu because I’m such a baby about body
discomfort and just don’t do “sick” very well.
When I was in Mexico last year and got food poisoning I thought it was
the end of the world and was definitely not a “brave little soldier” about
it. My friend Susan can attest to this
as she would come back from shopping for a remedy to find me balled up in
tears.
So, trying to ‘be’ with each oddity and discomfort without
freaking out was, I knew, going to be a challenge. But the worst was not knowing what was
coming. Would I be nauseous, in pain,
wiped out? I decided that I’d work on
just accepting each thing as something that would pass and be kind to myself in
the process. Yeah, let’s see how that
will go!
Challenge #1: The
mere fact of arriving at the Chemo Lab.
Holly and I had done an orientation the week before and found the Chemo
Lab at that time to be a combo of “heaven and hell”: super nice nurses and super sick looking
patients. Even though the patients smiled at us, it was scary scary scary! But the day we arrived for my first Chemo treatment
it was very different. The man sitting
next to me in his chemo chair was doing business deals and didn’t look so sick
at all. The nurses were kind and
supportive and informative and the three hours passed pretty quickly. We even ate our lunch while getting chemo. Anxiety calmed, not so bad!
Challenge #2: The Neupogen shots. Ok, baby that I am, even with training there
is no way I can give myself these shots that have to be done for five days post
Chemo. Holly, bless her heart, said she would give the shots and on day one she
easily did just that. Ah, but day two
she had to go to work and at the last minute I had to do it myself. Well, that didn’t work out so well as all
training went out the window, I broke the shot, and was reduced to tears and
feeling totally helpless. Of course I
didn’t know I closed the protective covering over the shot deeming it
unworkable so spent a good amount of time shakily trying to figure out what I
did wrong. Luckily Heather & Ruby
were on their way over for a play date with Gramms and Heather saved the day by
conferring with my friend Marietta back East and just giving me another one out
of the fridge. Easy-Peasy in actuality,
but in my mini-panicked state it was an utter disaster. Reality checks are so good and
necessary! We were able to go on and
have a wonderful Art session, Ruby & I, painting together outside.
Challenge #3: The
funky-ass taste in my mouth and then getting the beginnings of Thrush. Water tastes like crap, stomach and body feel
like the last stages of flu, and at times I feel weak as a kitten. The Thrush was the worst though but thanks to
Marietta again, the probiotic mouth washing did the trick and a couple of days
later it was gone.
All that was in the first week post Chemo. Going into the second week, each day I have
been getting stronger and with that, my confidence grows too. So all in all, it hasn’t been so bad. The fear and anxiety has settled down and
there are so many blessings, not the least is the encouraging and caring emails
from all of you.
Blessing #1: I have
been staying at Holly’s little studio apartment while the kitchen remodel is
still going on at home. It is such a
healing sweet environment, right across the street from Spring Lake and Annadel
State Park. Every morning, I can walk
across the street and go around the lake.
It takes just under an hour and the beauty of Spring is
overflowing. Walking every day, I see
the rapid progress of blooms bursting open and this is the first year I’ve seen
a family of beautiful swans in the lake.
Really, it is breathtaking and such good good medicine. There was only one day that I had to make
about three stops to rest to get around but every other day I feel myself get
stronger walking.
Blessing #2: All the
emails wishing me well have given me such support, knowing I am being prayed
for, thought about and that I matter; it is so uplifting. I haven’t had the
energy to have full on conversations with anyone other than immediate family so
the emails are the way for me to stay connected. They have been so uplifting and I look for
them in my inbox each day. I feel my
angels at work on my behalf. Thank you
thank you!
Blessing #3: The
grants and non-profits that support Cancer patients here in Sonoma County:
unbelievable! I am receiving organic and
sustainable meals each week from Ceres Community Project (Cere's) that
are both nutritious and delicious. Teens
from the local high school prepare the meals and volunteers deliver them each
week in containers to be easily reheated.
OMG so good!
Blessing #4: Then there’s Sutter Health (Sutter)
that through a grant offers six sessions of different healing modalities to
complement treatment. I’ve signed up for
Acupuncture and Massage along with a couple of sessions of therapy. Every Saturday they offer Yoga and/or QiGong
for Cancer patients too followed by an informal gathering with food brought in
by Whole Foods.
Blessing #5:
Parkpoint Health Club (Parkpoint)
which I have belonged to for awhile now.
For Cancer patients they offer free membership for a year while going
through treatment. Besides the free
membership they also have special classes just for cancer patients including
weight training, qigong, and yoga.
Blessing #6: Our
friend Frank has been meeting Holly, friend Hisayo and me at Spring Lake twice
a week to lead an hour of QiGong practice.
Such a gift and again, good medicine for the body, the soul, the
mind. I feel so refreshed after!
I guess to sum it up for this first go-around is there are
definite challenges but many more blessings.
When my energy is good, and even when it’s not, I am aware of the
sweetness in people and the beauty of nature.
Heather, Bryan and Holly continue to look after their mom in their own nurturing
ways and my sister Joan has been checking in with me daily. And also, what better time to be going
through this than Spring, showing the promise of new life. May we all know the blessings of what is
truly important in life!
