Post Chemo, I had barely a minute to celebrate before
further discoveries slammed me deeper than ever into hell realms that psychologically
and emotionally pulled me from the world of the living to the world of the
dying and despair. But hold on, it turns
out better than that so keep on reading!
The first blow was getting the genetic testing results and
finding I do have a hereditary mutation called PALB2, a partner gene to
the BRCA2 mutation. Although it explains
why I got breast cancer, which cleared up some of the mystery, there is the
brutal statistic that I am now at a fairly high risk for recurrence. The Oncologist and Surgeon both recommended
more drastic measures to decrease the risk, including a bilateral complete mastectomy
along with removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes, called an Oophorectomy. This is no minor surgery, about 7-8 hours in
the OR. What the f****!!!!
But wait, that’s not all!
While I was trying to work with the intense grief around losing my
breasts and the scariness of surgery and recovery, I got even more bad news.
A CT Scan was done last week to make sure my lungs were
clear, as they had picked up two undefined spots prior to beginning chemo. They wanted to see if they changed at
all. What they found was a new spot that
they hadn’t seen before and that was “of concern”. So now they are suspecting lung cancer or
breast cancer cells that escaped into the lung that the chemo didn’t get. This is the part where I lost it completely! A herpes outbreak happened that day, zapping
my energy even more. Anger and despair,
depression and tears overtook everything.
Losing my breasts took the back seat and my attention turned to wrap
myself around this bad news. Memories of
my mother dying from several unidentified cancers in her body and lung cancer
(a nonsmoker) arose and I felt I was on the same track. She died 6 weeks after discovery, she was my
age and in the middle of her life. A PET
scan was ordered and I had a very bad feeling of what the results were going to
be. Talk about being pummeled down beyond
what is bearable! I looked at ‘life’
around me, people buzzing here and there and felt myself pulling away and
separating. The impermanence of this
life penetrated even deeper, and not in a good way.
But here comes the roller coaster, roaring up from the
depths of the underworld with the news the PET scan did not “light up” any
cancer activity. This was very good
news, one that took awhile to sink in.
My Oncologist called and was also very relieved and happy. Looks like I’m back to having just the
run-of-the-mill Breast Cancer after all.
I’m still ‘rattled’, body is still weak, and I haven’t quite joined the
living yet but I also know that I will take my place there again and carry
on.
My team at Kaiser is most excellent and I have met with the
plastic surgeon who will be reconstructing my breast in the most natural way
possible. He is newly hired at Kaiser
Santa Rosa from Harvard Medical School where he held a faculty position,
working with and training the best surgeons in the field. His expertise is in breast reconstruction. I totally trust him. I do have to say though I have never had anyone look at my breasts quite like he did. I could barely contain a deep giggle that only my sister could understand! Giggle aside, I am more accepting of losing these body
parts so that I have a better chance of living a longer and healthy life. The sacrifice is well worth the price of
life. Surgery should happen in the next
2-3 weeks once my white blood cells reach a good level. Somewhere between June 8 & June 15 is my
guess.
Meanwhile, I am trying to build my weak body up with lots of
veggies, wheat grass, and supplements.
It’s slow going but I see progress.
That’s my update for now.
Thanks for stopping by and reading. Positive, encouraging comments/emails are much appreciated! More later, probably before surgery.
